Playing the Fool

Casually I sit here playing the fool
While everyone else is breaking the rules
Maybe if I tried to live their way
I wouldn't be sitting here alone today

Because lately there's a hate inside
Something that I've always had to hide
It's painful to admit I can't be free
When the only person that I hate is me

Though I've tried to change
I just can't find the peace of mind
I so desperately seek
Though I've tried to free
The side of me others seem to see
That side will not speak

Caught up in a cycle of sleepless nights
Wondering why I always do what's right
Capturing my stress in a balled up fist
What's my life worth if there's no risk?

If I could open up and strip my soul bare
I'd find a new life is waiting out there
If I hide my feelings just for others' sake
I'll keep on bending until I finally break

Though I've tried to smile
I mostly find I don't feel it inside
I feel certain I am fake
Though I've tried to see
The awesome man others say I am
That man may never wake

B. Alan Hart
Written 1-26-2014